Firehouse Jerks

By: Mark vonAppen

Every once in a while you come across a boss that you work with who is so completely off that you have to soak it all in to fully appreciate the ridiculousness of how they treat those around them.  I have seen it in my career (and life) often enough to know that it can lay ruin to the team and decimate morale.  

Firehouse Jerks: How megalomaniacs create resentment in the workplace (in no particular order)

How jerks think and act:

  1. I show up late and leave early.
  2. The rules don’t apply to me, I’m the boss.
  3. I enforce the rules, I need not abide by them.  Sometimes out of distinct sense of self-servitude I even fabricate my own set of dogmatic principles independent of the mission statement and organizational values.
  4. Do as I say, not as you witness me do.  See items #2, and #3 if at all confused about this item.
  5. At least once a day I seize the opportunity to humiliate, emasculate, and otherwise eviscerate at least one minion in public per day.  It is an awesome display of power, and damn it feels good to ruin someone’s day. 
  6. At mealtime I am sure to eat first, forsaking the rest of the crew.  Oh, and I don’t clean up either, you have to act like a king if you are to be treated like one.
  7. When a tough decision needs to be made, I vacillate for an inordinately long period of time without making a decision.  After a while, pretending a problem doesn’t exist makes it go away.
  8. When you see something that needs to be done go out of your way to find an underling to do it no matter how long it might take.  Refer to #5 if in doubt.  Do not under any circumstances do it yourself. 
  9. When ever you are in doubt as to the credence of the hyperbole spewing from your mouth, speak loudly, and waive your arms around like a wild man.  True leaders rule with an iron fist. 
  10. Never miss an opportunity to tell someone what to do.   That’s how you lead brother.

Never miss an opportunity to tell someone what to do.  That’s how you lead brother.

Sadly, we all know – or have known – these soulless individuals in our organizations in one form or another.  Very few possess all 10 “qualities,” but they are out there and they are spectacular examples of failure when you see all 10 come together in flesh and bone.  This type of behavior cannot be condoned at any level, but it is especially damaging when people in leadership positions act in such a manner.  The organization’s values are eroded, but the greater damage is done to the psyche of the employees who do right.

How do you deal with the firehouse jerk?

  1. Polite, or not-so-polite confrontation – Most people don’t mean to be jerks, some do.  Either way, they might stop the behavior if you let them know about it.  When subtle hints don’t do the trick, speak in terms everyone can easily understand.
  2. Limit your contact with the jerk – Try not to get too personal with the problem person.  Avoid long interactions – try stand up station meetings, they are proven to work and it limits the amount of time you are exposed to the problem.
  3. Find ways to achieve small wins – If you can’t reform the bully, look for small (legal) ways to fight back.  An example that comes to mind is; an officer I know of was notorious for dumping last minute, urgent work on the station crew that he had avoided for months.  The crew would work all day to complete his work, delivering the completed package to his dormitory with a loud knock on his door at 2am.  When the officer opened the door, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, the crew handed him the completed project saying, “You said it was urgent.”  After a few zero-dark-thirty visits the last minute work assignments stopped. 
  4. Learn not to let the jerk affect you – We often talk in terms of passion, commitment, and giving everything you have to the organization.  All of this is fine if you are treated with respect.  If you aren’t getting the results you desire, shrink your attempts at change to your crew and station, the rest will eventually catch on.  

You can learn a lot from watching train wrecks as they unfold.  If you pay attention, you can forecast them well in advance. 

Your job as a true leader, or simply a solid human being, is to intervene when you witness despotism in the workplace at any level and divert the runaway employee to a spur line, thus clearing the way for the positive movers to have a safe route of travel.  Keep the pressure on, eventually they will surrender and get on board with those who do right.  


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